I'll Never Drink The Ocean, But The Ocean Might Drink Me

Oh, how summer and solemnity fit together bittersweetly.
Solemnity in church I can appreciate even.
I really do like funerals. Aside the general missing of the deceased, it's amazingly peaceful and beautiful. When people mourn they are left quite vulnerable and it reminds me of how human people are... sometimes prejudice or grudges can make it very difficult to remember that the other is as human as you. But at funerals vulnerable people come to each other for comfort and support, and though the reason isn't pleasant, that doesn't make the experience less meaningful. People are very expressive at funerals. Even a lack of expression is so expressive. A pensive vibe about a person, tears, sobs, a straight face, a staring into space, praying, a curious look on the face- a few gigglers who are crushed by nerves-- say a lot.
Anyway, funerals are so peaceful. They're a spiritual experience, but not necessarily religious. I mean, naturally they can be, but just the spiritual aspect of a close encounter with death and coming to some sort of resolve is a refreshing and unique feeling. This probably all sounds odd.
I'm not exactly the most poetic writer....
whatever.

I've stumbled upon some weird habits and thoughts over the last several years. I don't know, yet, how I feel about all of it. -Vague- You see, I get into these pensive moods and I can't find a writing style that seems to describe it.
it feels to dramatic. or too impersonal. or too personal. I want to be direct I suppose, but maybe more eloquent...?
it doesn't matter anyway. This is a period of reflection over the next couple months of High School, the friends and relationships I've had and where they will [or won't] run in the future. I'm actually excited and terrified. I'm just very anxious and confused and disoriented and feeling too many things at once. I feel like I'm headed for either an epiphany or danger. or both. whichever comes first. Something is going to happen this summer, I feel it, I just don't know what it is yet. For some reason I've been feeling really lonely recently...

Who needs friends anyway....?

Guess who.

-sigh- I wish that just for one week maybe, I could say all the things I've always wanted to say or hear the things I need to hear and just act upon the impulses that follow.
I would be emotionally torn up to pieces but it would be nice to feel something. I'm sort of at an emotional standstill.

Wish me luck.

-Postsecret-