I Fly So High And Fall So Low

Moby 18 has been playing nonstop for weeks. I don't know why I didn't listen to this earlier, but I feel that like several albums before it, this one will have a big impact on my life.

Updates: I'm engaged. That happened on June 11th 2010. Also, at the end of August, I entered outpatient therapy. I was in for a month or two, and finally put a name to what has been making me feel crazy for years. Bipolar Disorder, and GAD. I assumed that everyone felt so anxious, so random, so racy, so numb, so frequently changing and chaotic. I never realized it wasn't something unique. In a sense, it really isn't. But it sure as hell isn't something that everyone experiences. The scariest part is wondering "How much of this is 'mental illness' and how much of this is just my personality? Will the medication take away my personality?" It's a process.

Also, getting to know myself is a process. I can't think of just how many majors I've changed this year or two alone. Social Work, Education, Psychology, Women's Studies, Mortuary Science, Art therapy, sex therapy and who knows what else. Honestly, 2 or 3 of these are definitely still options. Who cares? It's just a piece of paper anyway.

Meanwhile, I've moved to Mike's. It's been pretty cool.
I wanna sleep a lot these days.

Also, this semester kicked my ass. Assuming I pass math, I will have my associates, but I don't know if I should hold my breath on that one.
I have laundry to do.

I need a shower.
I've been writing poems.
and letters to no one in particular.

I've been drawing, and mostly carving black letters into my sketchbook wearing out my favorite pens.

There's a lump on my right lymph node. It's been there forever.

I've been here forever.